“The most powerful anti-depressant is doing for other people.”
– Esther Perel
The New York Times called her the most important game-changer in sexuality and relational health since Dr. Ruth.
Her TED talks on maintaining desire and rethinking infidelity have more than 17 million views, and she’s tested and been exposed to everything imaginable in 34 years of running her private therapy practice in New York City.
In this episode, Esther explains:
- How to foster relationship longevity.
- The most effective ways to improve communication in relationships.
- How to deal with criticism.
- Letting go of emotional baggage from past relationships.
- How to know when to move on from a relationship that doesn’t seem to be working.
- And much more.
Her creative energy is focused on co-creating and hosting an Audible original audio series, Where Should We Begin.
- Listen to it on iTunes.
- Stream by clicking here.
- Download as an MP3 by right-clicking here and choosing “save as.”
Want to hear another episode with Esther Perel? — Listen to her first appearance on the podcast. In this conversation, we discuss polyamory, why happy people cheat, how to find (and convince) mentors who can change your life, what she’s learned from Holocaust survivors, and much more (stream below or right-click here to download):
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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Scroll below for links and show notes…
Selected Links from the Episode
- Connect with Esther Perel:
- The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
- Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
- The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel
- Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
- Rethinking Infidelity … A Talk for Anyone Who Has Ever Loved by Esther Perel, TED2015
- The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling Ellie Lisitsa, The Gottman Relationship Blog
- No Secrets by Carly Simon
- Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship by Robert Garfield
- Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best-seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce by Howard J. Markman and Scott M. Stanley
- Monogamish — The Documentary
- Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino
- Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha
- Esther’s exercises, routines, and habits for fostering relationship longevity. [08:01]
- How to lessen arguments in your marriage. [10:16]
- How do we rid ourselves of negative emotions often generated by being in a relationship? [14:32]
- What is the best way to move on past divorce and post-marriage depression? [15:52]
- How do we overcome the anger and self-blame we feel when our partner has been unfaithful? [18:53]
- Do you have to be young and stupid to find true love? Do most people in search of a relationship wind up “settling?” [23:29]
- How do you know when a relationship is done? [26:27]
- Can too much communication in a relationship hurt desire? [30:52]
- What are the essential blocks to building a strong foundation between partners and establishing balance for longevity? [34:21]
- Advice for millennials looking to bring romance and emotional intimacy back to dating. [38:30]
- Young men and the mistakes they make during courtship. [42:29]
- How to lessen conflict in a relationship. [45:33]
- How can men effectively handle their sex drive? [52:20]
- Advice for a couple looking to explore beyond the boundaries of monogamy. [54:22]
- How does Esther help people accept themselves? [59:23]
Posted on: October 8, 2017.
Please check out Tribe of Mentors, my newest book, which shares short, tactical life advice from 100+ world-class performers. Many of the world's most famous entrepreneurs, athletes, investors, poker players, and artists are part of the book. The tips and strategies in Tribe of Mentors have already changed my life, and I hope the same for you. Click here for a sample chapter and full details. Roughly 90% of the guests have never appeared on my podcast.
Who was interviewed? Here's a very partial list: tech icons (founders of Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Craigslist, Pinterest, Spotify, Salesforce, Dropbox, and more), Jimmy Fallon, Arianna Huffington, Brandon Stanton (Humans of New York), Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Ben Stiller, Maurice Ashley (first African-American Grandmaster of chess), Brené Brown (researcher and bestselling author), Rick Rubin (legendary music producer), Temple Grandin (animal behavior expert and autism activist), Franklin Leonard (The Black List), Dara Torres (12-time Olympic medalist in swimming), David Lynch (director), Kelly Slater (surfing legend), Bozoma Saint John (Beats/Apple/Uber), Lewis Cantley (famed cancer researcher), Maria Sharapova, Chris Anderson (curator of TED), Terry Crews, Greg Norman (golf icon), Vitalik Buterin (creator of Ethereum), and nearly 100 more. Check it all out by clicking here.